32 is the new...32

Is this thing on?

It's been so long since I've taken a moment to document my thoughts that my life has had time to completely change. How so? I could probably name one thing for every degree life has shifted.

Instead of listing 180 reasons I'll fly you in to the basics.

I had a baby! Yeah, a baby! A baby...at 32! That still makes me giggle and as I type this, I suddenly remember that today is the anniversary of his conception! (The fact that I can single handedly pinpoint this is also indicative of my "polar shift".) Having a newborn, at 32, is definitely an experience that I look forward to sharing.

I've moved! Yes, I've ditched the digs of the District and relocated to the burbs. Small house to small apartment. ..and I'm cohabitating! YES...I will definitely be sharing LOTS and LOTS of this!

I've lost quite a bit of weight. Yep. I also now have an addiction to chocolate and all things reminscent. :-l

I'm actually feeling far from my descriptive pen name. FAR, FAR, FAR from Carmen Cosmo.

I got the nickname Carmen back in 2001. My brother would ring my cell phone and I'd be in unpredictable cities. He'd always say "Where in the world are you TODAY". So I took a liking to the nickname Carmen SanDiego. Years later, I would enter the single/corporate/trendy lifestyle of working in Bethesda. The happy hours, exclusive benefits/gala, who's who events from my employer some days prompting me to run to Chevy Chase at my lunch hour to find the perfect cocktail/semi-formal and even formal attire for the evening inspired my "Cosmo". Plus, my personality was somewhat similar to the drink. Feminine but strong, trendy, popular, and of course CUTE! (and I mean that in the most humble sense of the word) lol

I must say, I enjoyed my days as CC but I'm feeling so far from that lifestyle today. I've traded my blowout for a snatchback; my stilettos for oxfords; and happy hour for the good night show on Sprout.

I, my friends, am feeling every ounce of my age. No need to fret, though, this is a good thing. So...bare with me.

Detox: Its not just physical

I'm a little early. LOL Was thinking on the way into work. Decided to share.



In my junior year of high school I made the, sudden, decision to give up meat. Now, I'm not much on vegetables so I had to make a compromise. I mostly ate seafood and an occasional chicken.



Just short of a year, I decided that I was through with that. LOL. No rhyme nor reason – just PLEASE pass the steak.



Lo and behold – I was in for a surprise. I could no longer eat pork. It made me violently ill. It took a while for me to understand exactly what was going on. I thought long and hard about it. When it clicked – ah man? I had gone nearly a year without eating red meat or pork; however, my body was now rejecting the latter.



The body knows best, right?



I came to the realization that it [pork] was no longer good for me; though, temptation often pressured me to test my perimeters thinking "well, maybe if I just eat a little.." but EH EH. My body wasn't having it. I would eventually gain a tolerance for mixed pork (ie pepperoni, some sausages) but pure, rich pork like pork chops and ribs…man? I would see them and not be able to resist – only to pay for it in the end. Stomach cramps, vomiting, nausea (I know its gross but I do have a point).



My point? If you're not already there with me….LOL



Detox is necessary. Alcohol and drugs are not the only things that we put into our "systems" that lead to dependence and negative effects. People and bad relationships can have the same exact affect.



Just like the pork – it's not always apparent.



Realizing what/who your toxins are is very important. Resisting that temptation to divulge in them, is extremely hard. While I may want that slab of ribs OR want to spend a weekend with {insert fling} I know the repercussions. One will make me vomit; while, the other will bring out the absolute worse in me. Both will make me sick.



The lesson: Everything you love isn't good for you.

New Music (DMV Edition)

Where's Me Pot 'o Gold...

This week, the hip-hop world is up in arms about the divorce ruling of Nas and strange estranged wife Kelis.

TMZ Reports:

Nas was ordered to immediately pay Kelis $47,249.42 in back child support for their first son together, Knight Jones.

In addition to that, Nas had to fork over $40,454 in back spousal support and (yes there is still an “and” here) Nas was ordered to pay $10,000 a month in back spousal support until he pays off the $299,015.50 that he still owes Kelis. Nas also has to pay 90% of Kelis’ legal and accounting fees which total 155,787.28 and $48,549.83.

  :confusedface.  The couple wed in an elaborate wedding, in which, the beautiful bride donned a shimmering green ensemble.  The couple sliced a GOLDEN cake.

Gee George?

Doesn't take a genius.

Nastradomus shoulda paid attention to the signs?

The TRUTH About the Friend Zone!

"I LOVE you, but I'm NOT IN love with you"


THEE dreaded words that ultimately confine you to dun, dun, dun THE FRIEND ZONE!









From the female perspective, I must say that the proverbial leap from the friend zone to relationship is a task that, most often, is NOT going to happen. In fact, I believe that the friend zone is NOT the percieved "relationship purgatory" that women market it as. Instead, its Hell - THE FIERY pits of it.








First off, if you've been put "in the friend zone" its safe to assume that you have made your interest known. By ACCEPTING your placement "on the bench" you have relinquished ALL power. You're a puppet. AND YOU WILL DANCE!








You get the calls in time of need. You do the dirty work. You partake in all of the things that "relationship guy" isn't going to touch. He's never going to touch it either, not as long as you are hanging in the shadows. THAT female knows the power that she has over you and she is going to use it to her advantage, albeit sometime its not intentional. YOU are her "friend". You care for her. You will be there. THAT'S what friends are for!






Now? We see TFZ romanticized often; however, I am here to tell you. Lurking in the friend zone for the perfect opportunity to sweep ya gal pal off her feet is not romantic - its predatory and definitely playing with fire! The fact is, the moment you hop off that bench, become the shoulder to cry on, and jump into a physical relationship (under false pretenses) you are no longer "the friend" you are "the rebound man" - which is an entirely different story.






I could go on & on about TFZ...


Let's get it crackin! What are your thoughts?







Posted by Carmen Cosmopolitan at 9:07 AM 12 comments Links to this post

My Signs are CLEAR Fellas

Ladies, we've all been there. It seems inevitable that at some point in our day that we're going to be bombarded with dumb a$$ed questions from a male that doesn't know how to read the signs! The funny part is 75% of the time WE are going to be written off as being a "bytch", "stuck up", or some other nonsense just because some sap can't accept the fact that we didn't leave the house because we wanted to talk to his "no rap" ass!




READ THE DAMN SIGNS




We're not ignoring you because we don't see you! We saw you (sometimes before you even saw us) and you just LOOK like you have some dumb shyt to say!




What do we do?




1. We walk quickly. This is in hopes that you will see our sense of urgency. We have somewhere to be. No time to chitty chat. Thanks for yellin some odd compliment! Alright...now keep it movin!



2. We fiddle with our phones NOT because we want to put your number in it. It is so that you see our attention is elsewhere: texting, emailing, about to place a call.


3. Wearing earphones. Nicca BEAT IT! I see your lips movin just like u see me jammin to the ipod. I will take it off ONCE to hear what you're yappin about. If I place it back on quickly...please don't say anything else. Its just rude.


4. I aint smilin for a reason - to appear less friendly! You should've seen me 5 minutes ago. I was living and loving life but then I saw your ass! I want to look as unapproachable as possible.


5. Pretending to be sleep. LOL, this only works on Metro.




But some of you just don't get it! You speedball straight pass all the signs and ask DUMBASS questions like:




Why you look so mean?




I was clearly hoping not to have this discussion with you!




Can I go with you?




What kinda madness is this? Firstly, if you have no other place to be WHY ON EARTH do I want you coming with me? And why are you just standing around hollering at women?




Can I talk to you for a minute?




I'm walking 75mph AND listening to my ipod...WTH do you think?




Are you calling me?




I hate this line! No I am not nor will I be any time in the future.


Where your man at?

You stopped me, had me take off my ear phones...and THIS...THIS is what you want to ask me? KIM




I mean, really? What ever happened to gentlemen? Does anyone know how to effectively communicate their interest anymore?




Extend your hand. Introduce yourself. Give an appropriate compliment (NOT DAMN you phat) but more important




PAY ATTENTION TO THE SIGNS!!!!




Sheesh

The ART of FB Mackin'

We’ve all seen it. The resident FB body who often has NO picture or just one picture on their profile. There are no wall posts or status updates and the info section generally says “ask me”.

He/she is a FB Mack.

This individual NEVER comments on your status; instead, they send responses directly to your inbox or “chats you up”. The message titles are usually “Hi”, “Hey”, or “What’s up”. Messages are generally short and possibly filled with unnecessary slang. “What’s wrong, Ma”? “If I were your man, Hun”! “Can I get to know you sweetie”?

The FB mack never wants to be tagged in photos. It’s proof of where he’s been and who he knows.

The FB mack “friend surfs”. He/she has often found you on another person’s page and is known to lurk comments that you post elsewhere.

The FB mack quite often is listed as “In a relationship” and sometimes has a link to said significant other.

The FB mack is ALWAYS communicate via FB Mobile…cuz he/she is always on the go.

These are just a FEW of MY telltale signs…have you seen this Mack?